Приложения разработчика Rob Lancaster в Android Market

Christmas Jokes (dirty) (v. 3.0.0)

Rob Lancaster опубликовал приложение 2011-03-01
(обновлено 2012-06-27)

Over 350 jokes about Christmas Warining! these jokes are not clean, they contain swearing and will offend most people!

*New jokes added weekly
*Submit your own joke for inclusion in the app.
*Move to SD card (android 2.2+ only.)
*This app will remember were you are up to even if you turn off your phone or update the app
*Share with SMS/Email
*Add your own stories
*Random joke button
*Hold the left arrow to go back to the start
*Hold the right arrow to go to the end
*Link to developer’s other apps in the market
*Change the size of the text
*Change the color of the text
*Change the style of the text
*Change the background
*Rate the app

550+ Word Play Jokes (v. 3.0.2)

Rob Lancaster опубликовал приложение 2011-02-27
(обновлено 2012-06-23)

Over 550 verbal wit based jokes on the meanings and ambiguities of words; puns, clever repartee, etc.

*Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

*Warning, these jokes contain swearing and topics of an adult nature and as such are intended only for grown ups.  Please do not download if you easily offend you will only get upset

*New jokes added weekly
*Submit your own joke for inclusion in the app.
*Move to SD card (android 2.2+ only.)
*This app will remember were you are up to even if you turn off your phone or update the app
*Share with SMS/Email
*Add your own stories
*Random joke button
*Hold the left arrow to go back to the start
*Hold the right arrow to go to the end
*Link to developer’s other apps in the market
*Change the size of the text
*Change the color of the text
*Change the style of the text
*Change the background
*Rate the app

Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

"I run a Weight Watchers class for w****s and thieves.
It's all about weighing up the pros and cons."

"I was waiting in line for a club last night and the guy at the door was checking IDs.
He was taking ages."

"I was coming home from work today and I saw a Nun riding on a Clowns back.
Now that's just virgin' on the ridiculous."

"The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.
She hit the roof."

"Major car collision on Spaghetti Junction: 12 injured, 4 pasta way."

N.B. Permissions are required by the Ad networks, which keep the app free.

800+ Yo Momma and friends (v. 3.1.0)

Rob Lancaster опубликовал приложение 2011-02-25
(обновлено 2012-06-21)

Over 800 classic and new 'Yo Momma' Jokes.  Also to give Yo Momma' a break I thought I have included some of the same kind of jokes about other people in yo life.

Never again run out of an opportunity to insult your emeny's(friend's?) mothers. Guaranteed laughs every time with these very funny jokes.

*Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

*Warning, these jokes contain swearing and topics of an adult nature and as such are intended only for grown ups.  Please do not download if you easily offend you will only get upset*

*New jokes added weekly
*Submit your own joke for inclusion in the app.
*Move to SD card (android 2.2+ only.)
*This app will remember were you are up to even if you turn off your phone or update the app
*Share with SMS/Email
*Add your own stories
*Random joke button
*Hold the left arrow to go back to the start
*Hold the right arrow to go to the end
*Link to developer’s other apps in the market
*Change the size of the text
*Change the color of the text
*Change the style of the text
*Change the background
*Rate the app

Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

"Yo Momma so fat she saw a school bus go by and yelled " TWINKIE!""

"Yo Momma So Ugly, I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo."

"Yo Sister's so stupid she could trip over a cordless telephone."

"Yo Dog's so stupid he bury's his own tail"

"Yo Momma so fat, she sells shade in the summer."

N.B. Permissions are required by the Ad networks, which keep the app free.

Little Johnny Jokes (v. 3.3.4)

Rob Lancaster опубликовал приложение 2011-02-24
(обновлено 2014-05-21)

Over 1100 of the infamous 'Little Johnny' jokes. ***Strongest possible warning,  These jokes are rude, dirty, contain swearing and will offend most people***

*Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

*Warning, these jokes contain swearing and topics of an adult nature and as such are intended only for grown ups.  Please do not download if you easily offend you will only get upset*

*New jokes added weekly
*Submit your own joke for inclusion in the app.
*Move to SD card (android 2.2+ only.)
*This app will remember were you are up to even if you turn off your phone or update the app
*Share with SMS/Email
*Random joke button
*Hold the left arrow to go back to the start
*Hold the right arrow to go to the end
*Link to developer’s other apps in the market
*Change the size of the text
*Change the color of the text
*Change the style of the text
*Change the background
*Rate the app

Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

"The Teacher said to little Johnny, "use harassment in a sentence."
Little Johnny said, " Her mouth said no, but her ass meant yes.""

"During class little Johnny kept swearing, everything was f**k this and f**k that. Teacher "Johnny, that is not a word a ten year old should be using"
Johnny "there are worse words than that miss, like murder and death"
Teacher "No Johnny, the word you keep saying is much, much worse than murder and death"
Johnny "I disagree miss, I bet you would rather be f****d than killed""

"One night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying that Uncle Bill died.  The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy died.  He told his daddy, "Two days ago, I had a dream Uncle Bill died, and then yesterday, I had a dream Aunt Joy died.  His dad said, "that's just a coincidence."  The next morning he tells his dad, "I had a dream that my dad died."  His dad was terrified. He had the worst day at work and took every precaution. He didn't eat any of the food in case of food poisoning, and he drove slowly in case of a car wreck.  When he finally got home, Little Johnny's mom asks him how his day at work was.  "Much more horrible than your day I'm sure," his dad replied.  "I don't know," said his mom, "The milkman dropped dead on the front porch today!"

"Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsy ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

Daddy is relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.

Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.

Johnny cries out "HANG ON TIGHT DADDY! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!""

N.B. Permissions are required by the Ad networks, which keep the app free.

*****Disclaimer*****
Appsolutely Fabulous, takes no responsibility, for the content of this app.  None of the jokes were written by anyone at Appsolutely Fabulous, they were all either sourced form the internet or sent in by the users of this app.  We accept no blame for any offense caused, care has been taken to remove offensive jokes, however it you are offended by any of the jokes please report them to us via the app and we will consider the joke for removal.

1100+ Crude Jokes (v. 3.1.1)

Rob Lancaster опубликовал приложение 2011-02-16
(обновлено 2012-06-05)

Over 1100 crude jokes.  They are just that CRUDE, they contain swearing are are likely to offend.

*Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

*Warning, these jokes contain swearing and topics of an adult nature and as such are intended only for grown ups.  Please do not download if you easily offend you will only get upset*

*New jokes added weekly
*Submit your own joke for inclusion in the app.
*Move to SD card (android 2.2+ only.)
*This app will remember were you are up to even if you turn off your phone or update the app
*Share with SMS/Email
*Copy to Clipboard(via menu button), for posting to social networking sites.
*Random joke button
*Hold the left arrow to go back to the start
*Hold the right arrow to go to the end
*Link to developer’s other apps in the market
*Change the size of the text
*Change the color of the text
*Change the style of the text
*Change the background
*Rate the app

Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

"What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
C**t Stubble."

"The Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven ... which
part of your body goes first?"
Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"
Suzie replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"
"What a wonderful answer!," the teacher said.
Now, Tommy raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think it's your legs."
The teacher looked at him with the strangestlook on her face.
"Now, Tommy, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Tommy said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night,
Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was moaning, 'O God, I'm
coming!' And if Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd a lost her for sure!!!""

"One day a guy with premature ejaculation problems went to a doctor.
The doctor said, "Whenever you feel the urge to ejaculate, startle
yourself."
So he went out and bought a starter pistol.
When he got home, his wife was naked in bed, ready for him. So they
got in the 69 position and started at it. Soon he felt the urge to
cum, so he fired the pistol.
The next day he went to the doctor. The doctor asked him how it went.
He said, "Not too good. My wife bit off three inches of my dick, s**t
in my face, and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his
hands up.""

N.B. Permissions are required by the Ad networks, which keep the app free.

Jokes: Celebrities (v. 1.13)

Rob Lancaster опубликовал приложение 2011-02-13
(обновлено 2011-02-13)

Over 250 Jokes about Celebrities. Most jokes are dirty and contain sex/crude references. *WARNING - Contians swearing and jokes in bad taste.  Don't download then add negative feedback if you are easily offened- you have been warned!!!

***All these jokes are completely fictional and as such have no element of truth.***

*New jokes added weekly
*This app will remember were you are up to even if you turn off your phone or update the app.
*Share with SMS/Email
*Random joke button
*Hold the left arrow to go back to the start
*Hold the right arrow to go to the end
*Link to developers other apps in the market
*Change the size of the text
*Change the color of the text
*Change the style of the text

Keywords: celebrities, celeb, celebs, joke, jokes, fun, funny, laugh, sex, sexy, dirty, crude, adult, adults, hilarious, hot, famous, rich

1600+ Funny Quotes (v. 3.1.1)

Rob Lancaster опубликовал приложение 2011-02-11
(обновлено 2012-05-27)

Over 1600 funny quotes from the worlds of fact and fiction. A huge collection of humorous and thought provoking quotes from some of the biggiest characters of our time.

*Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

*Warning, these jokes contain swearing and topics of an adult nature and as such are intended only for grown ups.  Please do not download if you easily offend you will only get upset*

*New jokes added weekly
*Submit your own joke for inclusion in the app.
*Move to SD card (android 2.2+ only.)
*This app will remember were you are up to even if you turn off your phone or update the app
*Share with SMS/Email
*Random joke button
*Hold the left arrow to go back to the start
*Hold the right arrow to go to the end
*Link to developer’s other apps in the market
*Change the size of the text
*Change the color of the text
*Change the style of the text
*Change the background
*Rate the app

Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

"I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.
Spike Milligan"

"Once you're dead you're made for life.
Jimi Hendrix."

"Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.
Alan Coren"

"This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country.
Clint Eastwood."

"You're only as good as your last haircut.
Fran Lebowitz "

N.B. Permissions are required by the Ad networks, which keep the app free.

Women Bashing Jokes (v. 3.3.3)

Rob Lancaster опубликовал приложение 2011-02-09
(обновлено 2014-04-08)

Over 1400 jokes about woman. Most of these jokes(well all) are completely teastless, however, they are funny (well some). Women please don't download you will only get offended, unless of course you have a sense of humour(if you do you'll be the first, hahaha)

*Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

*Warning, these jokes contain swearing and topics of an adult nature and as such are intended only for grown ups.  Please do not download if you easily offend you will only get upset*

*New jokes added weekly
*Submit your own joke for inclusion in the app.
*Move to SD card (android 2.2+ only.)
*This app will remember were you are up to even if you turn off your phone or update the app
*Share with SMS/Email
*Add your own stories
*Random joke button
*Hold the left arrow to go back to the start
*Hold the right arrow to go to the end
*Link to developer’s other apps in the market
*Change the size of the text
*Change the color of the text
*Change the style of the text
*Change the background
*Rate the app

Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

"Climbing to the top of the career ladder does wonders for a woman's self-esteem.
But it ruins her p***y."

"A woman walked into a library and asked for a book on euphemisms.
So the librarian took her up the rear aisle and let her have it. "

"I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way.
Through the driver's door."

"Why does every man need a woman?
Because the dishes would get to piled up without one."

"How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it."

N.B. Permissions are required by the Ad networks, which keep the app free.

*****Disclaimer*****
Appsolutely Fabulous, takes no responsibility, for the content of this app.  None of the jokes were written by anyone at Appsolutely Fabulous, they were all either sourced form the internet or sent in by the users of this app.  We accept no blame for any offense caused, care has been taken to remove offensive jokes, however it you are offended by any of the jokes please report them to us via the app and we will consider the joke for removal.

550+ Man Bashing Jokes (v. 3.0.1)

Rob Lancaster опубликовал приложение 2011-02-09
(обновлено 2012-05-24)

Over 550 jokes about the male gender. Most of these jokes(...well all) are completely teastless, however, they are funny (...well some).

Men please don't download you will only get offended(...wait a minute... forget that, you need emotions first!!!)

*Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

*Warning, these jokes contain swearing and topics of an adult nature and as such are intended only for grown ups.  Please do not download if you easily offend you will only get upset*

*New jokes added weekly
*Submit your own joke for inclusion in the app.
*Move to SD card (android 2.2+ only.)
*This app will remember were you are up to even if you turn off your phone or update the app
*Share with SMS/Email
*Random joke button
*Hold the left arrow to go back to the start
*Hold the right arrow to go to the end
*Link to developer’s other apps in the market
*Change the size of the text
*Change the color of the text
*Change the style of the text
*Change the background
*Rate the app

Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

"Men? On the whole, I'd rather buy new batteries."

"Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs."

"This prisoner escapes after 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and food, and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair and he ties the wife to the bed, and gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He's probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, do't complain and do what he tells you, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably really dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, and thought you were cute. He asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom, so I told him where to find it. Be strong, darling. I love you, too.""

"Hmmm, snow.

The only time four inches can keep a woman in bed all day."

"Why did God Create man first?
1. Practice makes perfect.
2. Give us someone to bitch at immidately.
3. There's a frist draft with anything.
4. To see what needed to be fixed and then make the proper changes.
5. First is the worst.........Second is the best!
6. To be funny"

N.B. Permissions are required by the Ad networks, which keep the app free.

Dirty Limericks (v. 3.0.2)

Rob Lancaster опубликовал приложение 2011-02-03
(обновлено 2012-05-16)

Some Limericks are clean and others...not so. These are definitely the latter. (400+)

If you are easily offended, then please do NOT download. These Limericks are crude and contain swearing. you have been warned

*Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

*New jokes added weekly
*Submit your own joke for inclusion in the app.
*Move to SD card (android 2.2+ only.)
*This app will remember were you are up to even if you turn off your phone or update the app
*Share with SMS/Email
*Random joke button
*Hold the left arrow to go back to the start
*Hold the right arrow to go to the end
*Link to developer’s other apps in the market
*Change the size of the text
*Change the color of the text
*Change the style of the text
*Change the background
*Rate the app

Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

"There was a young girl called Annie,
who had a peculiar fanny,
she went to the doc,
he said that's a c**k,
now everyone calls her Danny."

"There once was a man named Ray,
Who fashioned a c**t out of clay,
But the heat of his p***k,
Turned the clay into brick,
And tore all his foreskin away!"

"There was an old woman from Leith,
Who would circumcise men with her teeth,
It wasn`t for fame,
Or love of the game,
But to get at the cheese underneath."

"There was an old man of the port,
Whose p***k was remarkably short,
When he got into bed,
The old woman said,
"This isn't a p***k; it's a wart!""

"There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her t**s in a tree in Brazil"

N.B. Permissions are required by the Ad networks, which keep the app free.